I don’t make New Year’s resolutions.
I stopped a long time ago. Not because I don’t care about my life or my growth, but because resolutions never worked for me. Worse than that, they kept me stuck in a cycle of shame because I wasn’t able to keep the majority of them.
Most years, I knew on some level that I wasn’t going to keep them even before I made them. Lose weight. Exercise more. Stop eating sugar. Dress better. Make more money. Be more confident. Love myself. There were years when all of those were on my list at the same time. And when I inevitably broke those promises to myself a few weeks in, I beat myself up.
I told myself I was weak. Lazy. Broken. That I’d start again next week. Then the next week came, and I didn’t start, so I beat myself up even more.
For me, resolutions became a whip. They didn’t motivate me. Instead, they punished me.
I grew up in an era where body image was everything and perfection was expected. No matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough. That kind of thinking eventually seeped into everything I did. Even now, in my sixties, I still catch myself obsessing over my body. I still want to lose weight. But I know now that shaming myself has never helped me change.
If anything, it does the opposite.
At some point, I realized that making resolutions was worse than not making any at all.
So I stopped.
(Watch the video for more details!)
Instead, I started paying attention to what actually helped me move forward. What aligned with my energy and what was realistic. What respected the fact that I’m a human being living a real life, not a self-improvement project that needs fixing every January 1st.
Here’s what I do now.
Look Back Over the Past Year
First, I look back at the year that just ended and I acknowledge what I’ve done. Not to criticize myself, but, rather, to celebrate what I’ve accomplished.
This past year, I published my third book. I started a women’s writing group in Santa Fe. I launched a YouTube podcast and let it iterate as I learned more about myself and what I want the channel to be.
I’ve done deep healing work, and I’m genuinely happier than I was two years ago. If I think about it, I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. That matters more to me than checking off arbitrary goals.
Develop an Annual Life Plan
Second, I make a loose life plan for the year ahead.
Not resolutions, but plans or intentions.
There’s a difference between the two. Resolutions are rigid; they’re all-or-nothing. You either succeed or you fail, while plans or intentions leave room for life and adaptation. They allow for adjustment, recalibration, and change.
My plan for the coming year includes publishing my fourth book, creating a marketing plan for the whole book series, staying consistent with my YouTube show, showing up more regularly here on Substack, continuing to eat well and move my body, and gradually socializing more as spring arrives.
None of this is framed as “I must do this, or I’ve failed.” These are guideposts, not ultimatums, and they can change as I change.
I write the plan down because writing helps me clarify what I want to do. Did you now you’re 40% more likely to achieve something if you write it down?
I then check in with myself a few times during the year to see what needs adjusting.
Practice Gratitude
Third, I practice gratitude.
When I first started making gratitude lists, it was hard. Like, it hurt my head to think of something positive I had in my life. I was raised to expect the worst, so shifting toward gratitude felt unnatural at first, almost irritating.
But I stuck with it.
Now, my brain automatically looks for the positive in what I’m doing.
I’m grateful for where I live and for the mountains outside my window. For friends old and new. For being able to pursue writing and publishing. For volunteering at an animal shelter and literally sitting in a pen with puppies every week, which is pure, unconditional love.
Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. It means allowing yourself to see what’s supporting you and what good you have around you, even when things are difficult. Over time, it genuinely changes how you experience life.
If you’re heading into January with intentions about who you want to be, good for you!
And if you really want to make resolutions, that’s fine. Maybe just think of them more like intentions, plans you can adapt and change as you grow.
And, remember, growth doesn’t come from punishment. It comes from honesty, compassion, and persistence. And constant iteration!
What matters most is that you do you.
Personally, that’s the intention I care about the most.
Have a transformational New Year - and may you manifest all your wishes and dreams.
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