Stop Imposter Syndrome and Feeling Like You Don’t Belong
No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, you are good enough
There’s a common experience we don’t always feel comfortable admitting or talking about: imposter syndrome.
It’s that nagging feeling that you’re not good enough, that you don’t deserve your success, that you don’t belong somewhere, or that sooner or later, someone’s going to find out you’re a fraud.
Being an Imposter
According to a 2020 study by KPMG, around 75% of women executives reported having experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers. Even highly accomplished women—leaders, artists, and visionaries—often report feeling like they don’t belong.
I’ve struggled with feeling less than for most of my life. For example, I got a scholarship to the TED conference in 2008. I spent the entire time there thinking I wasn’t good enough. I stayed involved with TED and went to various conferences, put on my own TEDx event for six years—TEDxManhattan, was asked to curate books one year, and even spoke about food waste at TED’s sister conference TEDActive.
And the kicker? I’m at the 2008 conference. I’m sitting in the auditorium as Seth Godin comes out to give his talk about Tribes. If you don’t know who he is, he’s probably the top marketing person in the world. I’m watching him on stage and all of a sudden, I’m like, “Oh my gawd.” And my photo comes up on the screen, and he proceeds to talk about me and the work I’d been doing.
Afterward, some people recognized me from it and came up to introduce themselves, and even with all that, I STILL didn’t think I was good enough to be there. I have been seriously working on this for years.
I believe women are more affected by it than men. I think mine came from not being encouraged when I was younger, and from not being around the right kind of people who are supportive and uplifting. It also came from having people try to knock me down a few notches if I tried to spread my wings and do something extraordinary—and me letting them!
It’s time to let this monster go. I have to give a presentation about Hearth to business people, investors, and folks in Santa Fe in April, and I’m already anxious and feeling sick to my stomach. I gave a short 90-second pitch this past December and thought I was going to faint on stage - I could hear my voice cracking when I spoke.
But I did it! And I’m continuing to do it. That is what’s important. Trying. And persevering.
It is odd, though—I know I can do Hearth. I know I can write books. I might not be the best writer ever born, but I’m good enough. And I know I’m talented enough to market both. But I have this voice inside that often tries to sabotage me by telling me I’m not worthy, and it drives me crazy.
I am good enough—and so are you!
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s fear talking. Fear of caring what other people think; fear of being laughed at and ostracized; fear of being a failure. Part of it is primal and was a way humans survived over thousands of years, and part of it was conditioning.
Flip the Script
One tactic I’m using to combat imposter syndrome is to flip the script. Did you know that fear and excitement have the same physiological reaction? The adrenaline that courses through our bodies when we’re scared is the same as when we’re excited.
The difference is not how our body reacts, but how the mind interprets the experience.
Now, when I get that sick feeling in my stomach and start to feel anxious and like I’m not good enough, I tell myself that I’m excited. I’m looking at imposter syndrome as an invitation and a sign that I’m stepping into something bigger and better, into something that challenges me to grow.
Psychologists call it reframing—taking a negative thought or belief and looking at it in a new way. Instead of saying, “I’m not good enough,” I now say things like, “I am soooo good enough.” “Launching Hearth and publishing books means I am a success. Anything else is merely icing on the cake.” “What I’m feeling is fear, and that’s okay. I can’t grow unless I push myself outside my comfort zone.”
My work with Hearth and writing books isn’t about being perfect or knowing all the answers. It’s about doing what I want to do, following my passions, and giving it my best shot. It’s about connecting, sharing, and growing alongside others. That’s my definition of success.
Perfectionism is a Disease
Studies have shown that perfectionism often feeds imposter syndrome. By trying to be perfect, we’re creating unattainable standards that make us feel incompetent, no matter how successful we are. Whatever we do isn’t good enough, which reinforces our belief that we’re a fraud and don’t deserve success.
Trying to be perfect is a way to mask our underlying self-doubts and insecurities, and that feeds the imposter syndrome cycle. It’s also a way to go through life constantly beating ourselves up, and who wants that?
Perfectionism can also be a form of control—a way of managing uncertainty, avoiding judgment, or protecting ourselves from failure. But this constant obsession to get everything exactly right can make us feel like we’re never enough.
People don’t connect with perfection. They connect with authenticity. They connect with you showing up as you are, flaws and all.
This is something I’m working on. With AI taking over the world, authenticity is the big buzzword these days. AI can spit out facts and write your paper (but NOT your book!), but what it’ll never be able to do is share your thoughts, feelings and experiences. It can’t be you. I don’t care what those tech bros say.
It’s hard to go online and be vulnerable, to share how you really think and feel. I find I can sometimes put on a bit of a performance and a happy face, so I’m working on being the real me—and being okay with that.
Letting Go
So, how do we start to let go of imposter syndrome?
A few ideas include:
Talk About It. Share your feelings with a trusted friend, mentor, or even a therapist. The more we keep this to ourselves, the more powerful it becomes. But when we talk about it—when we name it, when we recognize that we’re not alone—we begin to take away its power. And if anyone makes you feel small for sharing yourself, write them out of your life. We don't have the time or energy to allow people to make us feel less than.
Keep Track of Your Wins. Start a journal, folder, or a box where you write down and save positive feedback, achievements, and moments you’re proud of. When imposter syndrome strikes, read them over. Give yourself all the encouragement and support you didn’t get before.
Find a Mentor. This can be someone in real life or a public figure you admire. Look for people who’ve dealt with imposter syndrome and learn from them. Brene Brown comes to mind - she’s an excellent role model for all of us.
High Five Yourself. Small things matter, so celebrate every win in your life, no matter how small it might seem. If you hate washing clothes and you do it, high five yourself in the mirror or throw your arms in the air and shout out to the room that you did it.
Embrace Your Warrior. Put your hands on your hips and throw your chest out. Or do like I do and thrust your arms in the air and say “YES!” I don't care if it's for deleting old emails—you congratulate you! This helps build confidence in all parts of your life. (This is a very Tony Robbins tactic.)
Befriend Your Inner Critic. Beating up your inner critic doesn't work—talk to yourself, and remind yourself you're more than worthy simply because you're you. Jot down sayings that resonate with you—I read that Jim Carrey wrote himself a check for ten million dollars and stuck it on his mirror. He landed a huge role and got that amount not long after. I've done the same. Okay - my ten million hasn't manifested yet, but the check on my mirror is a reminder that I'm worth it!
Celebrate the Journey. I've spent decades working on reframing, looking at what I've done and how I've acted. I’m not proud of everything, and I still cringe at times—but most times I have a lightness and a gentle sense of humor that I didn’t have before. Celebrate getting to where you are today, no matter how close or not close it is to what you think will bring you happiness. The joy is in the now.
None of us should feel embarrassed or ashamed for being human.
We can choose to dance our way through our days or we can schlump around feeling miserable about everything. Personally, I want to slam dance my way into my best years.
If you’re feeling imposter syndrome right now, please know you’re not alone. You’re here, listening, growing, and even questioning yourself, which means you care about becoming the best version of yourself.
I believe the only failure is never trying. It doesn't matter what happens—it's taking the leap and doing that thing that scares you that counts. That's how I feel about my writing. I'm taking a leap of faith, facing fears, and doing what I've always wanted to do.
What about you? What do you want out of life? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Diane Hatz is an author, organizer, and inner activist. Join her email list to get more personal newsletters and much more. You can find info on her books and writing on her website and through her email list.
Eck! the link to the video didn't work when this first went out - if it doesn't work for you, try this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaDDp-_73x8 Thanks!