How to Survive the Holidays When You Don’t Feel Festive
Don't let the pressure of the season bring you down - this is a time for you to do you
I’m just going to say it - I’m not a fan of the holidays, especially the year-end ones that come at you like a freight train in an ugly Christmas sweater.
So, for most of my adult life, I’ve spent the end of the year alone. When I was younger, I thought I was defective, like I was missing a piece of something everyone else had but I couldn’t find.
But it turns out I’m not the only one who feels this way.
A 2025 LifeStance Health survey found that 51 percent of Americans feel lonely during the holidays, even when they’re with people. Half the country. So when you’re in the grocery store or sitting in a coffee shop, odds are that every other person you pass is carrying a heaviness about what they think they ‘should’ be feeling or doing.
(Check out my YouTube video about surviving the holidays as you want to)
The pressure to feel festive is constant. Companies spend billions telling us that joy is mandatory from November (or even October now!) through January. If you’re not thrilled or grateful every second, they try to make you think you’re somehow failing.
And, my gawd, if you’re like me and hate Christmas music, this time of year is not the time to go into a store. Any store.
I can’t tell you how many New Year’s Eve parties I forced myself to go to, telling myself that I had to do something, but ended up witnessing arguments, break ups, and even tears.
I don’t force myself to do anything anymore.
Over the years, I’ve figured out a few things that help me during these two months.
They include:
Let yourself feel what you’re feeling
If sadness shows up, let it. If anger comes up, let it. Shoving it down doesn’t make it disappear; it just makes it louder later, and it’ll come out in some other way. So, sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get irritated.
These days, I let anything I’m feeling come up, and I’ve found I’m less emotional or bothered by what other people tell us should be fun.
Don’t confuse fantasy with reality
Those ads and holiday movies, none of that is real life. Most families aren’t sitting around having conflict-free dinners. Plenty of people are fighting, leaving early, drinking too much, or wishing they stayed home.
Treat yourself
Buy yourself a gift, even wrap it if you want. Order takeout from a place you usually don’t eat at but have always wanted to. Do whatever actually feels good to you, not what the season tells you to do.
I’m starting a new tradition of buying myself presents and wrapping them. Why not? Right now, I have some jigsaw puzzles and books waiting for me. And I just splurged and got a proper light for my YouTube videos (I always tend to have a green tinge around me….)
Develop some rituals that are your own
I watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy every year between Christmas and New Year’s as well as the seven Harry Potter movies. I make a big lasagna for New Year’s day and freeze what I don’t eat.
I give myself permission to do absolutely nothing if that’s what I need. And I look forward to these little things every year.
Try something new
One year, I took the four days over Thanksgiving and painted my entire apartment, even the ceilings. I got a small paintbrush and got on my hands and knees to do the molding - and I loved every minute of it. And felt extremely accomplished when I was finished.
This year, I want to sort through my massive Who collection and catalogue it all so I can put it up for sale. I’ve been a fan of the band for forty-some years, and I’m at an age where downsizing makes me happy, so I think it’s time to let someone else find joy in the memorabilia. (It will also help fund my indie writer life….)
Check in with your inner child
This is new for me this year - what does my inner child want for the holidays? I’m going to see if there’s something she wants, whether it be a game, paints - oh, maybe a Spirograph! I used to love those little wheels.
The bottom line: You Do You.
All of these holidays are just dates on a calendar, nothing more. If you want to avoid them, do it. If you want to go out and parade down your main street in your finest clothes, do it!
Just find things that bring a smile to your face.
I’m sure there are a lot of people around us who would love to be in our shoes and be able to be on their own this season. So let’s celebrate us, however we choose!
Be good to yourself over the next few weeks, and I will too.
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